Learning to ForgiveLearning to forgive is a great gift you give to yourself and others. The power of forgiveness lies not only its ability to heal relationships, but even moreso, to heal yourself. Logically, we know we "should" forgive. Yet we resist or find it difficult. Often the greatest difficulty is not in forgiving others, but in forgiving yourself. It is well worth learning to forgive. Releasing others and yourself from judgment and its toxic energy is spiritual energy healing at its finest. Why is Learning to Forgive So Hard?Learning to forgive is quite easy. Actually doing it is another story.Part of the reason is that our brains are wired to protect us. We hold on to traumatic memories and resentments as a survival mechanism. It's how humanity has been able to survive. Those who could sense danger and flee survived to reproduce another generation. We learn from our mistakes. We punish ourselves for our mistakes so we don't repeat them. Depending on your definition of forgiveness, you may feel that it's better to hold on to unforgiveness than to risk being hurt again. Or perhaps you want 'deserved' retribution, punishment, or attention. It feels safer to hold on than to let go. Forgiveness is a curious thing. We may long for it, but would sometimes rather suffer with guilt and fear than ask for it. We have the power to offer it, but choose to be hardhearted and consumed with resentment and feelings of victimization instead. Why is this? Is it about ego? About the balance of power? About getting attention because you're a "victim"? Does it keep you from acknowledging your role in creating the problem, if any? Is unforgiveness an excuse to stay stuck instead of moving forward? Does the person deserve it? When you look at the faults in another, does it help you avoid looking at your own? These aren't always easy questions to answer. Nor are they meant to be judgmental. Sometimes forgiving is difficult. Often it's a process. Often it's a matter of really understanding what it is. How Does Learning to Forgive Help Me?Learning to forgive is very powerful. Forgiving yourself and others helps heal your relationships. Being free of grudges and resentments increases your happiness. Your energetic vibration is higher and healthier. You only win when you forgive.
A friend of mine used to say that when you point a finger at someone, you should look at the three fingers pointing back at you. His illustration summed up the law of attraction and vibrational or harmonic resonance perfectly. The energy we put out is the energy we attract. The subconscious mind sends out a frequency that attracts a resonant frequency. The bible says, "Judge not that you be not judged," and "As you sow, so shall you reap." How about the Lord's prayer in which we ask God to forgive us as we forgive others? These are all law of attraction teachings. This is also the true power of forgiveness. In learning to forgive and keeping a clean slate, the person you are really freeing is yourself. It takes a lot of energy to sustain negative emotions. Learning to forgive and forgiving helps you vibrate with the positive energies of love, health and joy. When you are in a state of unforgiveness, the physical and mental energy you could be using to build health, be happy, and achieve life goals is being sapped to fuel negative states. By learning to forgive and letting go of the past you stop and heal these energy leaks. Then you are free to use this energy to heal yourself and move forward towards your positive goals. What If I Don't Forgive?Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die. Author UnknownYou already suffered the sting of someone's hurtful words or actions once. Why suffer the far greater fallout of your bitterness and negativity? Why carry negative feelings of unforgiveness for years and years, even after the other person is gone? When you resist forgiving others you hold onto the pain and keep giving your energy to the past. You can be sure that lots of depressed, angry, unhappy people are harboring unforgiveness. Holding onto a grudge, anger or resentment may temporarily pump up your ego and energize you. You may even feel superior or empowered to think that you have something on someone, or have something to "hold over their heads." But in an energetic or spiritual sense, you really have nothing over them. In the end, it is your resentments and resistance that will make you ill and unhappy. The person you hurt most is yourself. New brain research shows that when you reinforce a thought pattern or behavior, the brain can quickly build and deepen this pathway. So if you are constantly reinforcing anger or bitterness, the circuitry for that pattern will strengthen. Likewise, when you build the pathways for love or healing or success, those strengthen. Here's the kicker. The brain dismantles another pathway that isn't used as much to reinforce the one that is stronger. Which thoughts and energy do you want to strengthen? As I observe myself walking the spiritual path, I discovered something else. When you build a wall between yourself and another, you build a wall between yourself and all others, including the Divine. There is no way around this. If you want to experience the power of spiritual wellness in your life, you have to learn to forgive. This is not to say that you have to like everyone or be their friend or even ever see them again. It doesn't mean you free them from the natural consequences of their actions. It means there is be nothing you hold against them. You have freed them and yourself from the negative bond between you. And perhaps, this may even open a door to a new and better relationship between you.
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