What is Forgiveness?

Many people would agree that forgiveness is "a good thing" and "a spiritual practice". In some cases, it shows the depth of the human spirit and our desire to be connected rather than separated by our differences. True forgiveness is very healing.

Below are several definitions of forgiveness. Use them all to form a belief about forgiveness that will help you heal yourself and others. What you believe about forgiveness will affect how you learn to forgive and the process you use to forgive yourself and others.

Traditional Definitions of Forgiveness

When you forgive someone you acknowledge that a wrong was done. You are not excusing or condoning the behavior, but you let "bygones be bygones". You may or may not pardon the wrongdoer from the consequences of their actions. An apology or amends may be expected as part of the forgiveness process.

You may understand that forgiveness releases you from the energy of the wrongdoer and the words or behaviors that created the situation. You accept them (or yourself) as a person who made a mistake. You let the wrongdoer off the hook of your judgment and condemnation.

Radical Forgiveness

Perhaps the person who "wronged you" was acting to balance a karmic debt, to fulfill a soul contract, or to help you learn a life lesson from the experience. Viewed this way, we realize that from a spiritual perspective, what happened was part of the Divine plan.

One aspect of radical forgiveness is that we act as mirrors for each other. When we blame someone for being the way they are, and having traits we don't like, it's because we know at some level that we have that same trait within us and we don't like it.

As long as we focus on the faults of another, we can avoid looking at our own egos and shortcomings. All perceived wrongs done to us by another serve to shift the focus back to ourselves where we can acknowledge and heal our repressed feelings.

Colin Tipping describes this philosophy and the accompanying process of forgiveness in his book Radical Forgiveness, Making Room for the Miracle.

A Course in Miracles

A Course in Miracles says that an unforgiving thought represents a closed mind that is protecting its projections and judgments that are distorted and untrue.

CiM says that

Forgiveness recognizes what you thought your brother did to you has not occurred. It does not pardon sins and make them real. It sees there was no sin. And in that view are all your sins forgiven.

It goes on to say that

Forgiveness... is still, and quietly does nothing. It offends no aspect of reality, nor seeks to twist it to appearances it likes. It merely looks, and waits, and judges not. He who would not forgive must judge, for he must justify his failure to forgive. But he who would forgive himself must learn to welcome truth exactly as it is.

Regardless of how you decide answer the what is forgiveness question, I urge you to learn to forgive completely. Refusing to forgive can seriously affect your health and well-being on all levels.

Forgiveness may be a gift you give another, but first and foremost it is really a gift you give yourself. Forgiving yourself and others is an ultimate act of self-love and healing. It is one of life's miracles.

Continue to Learning to Forgive

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