What Makes People Happy?

When we say "I want to be happy", we often link our happiness with people and things outside ourselves.

Advertisers and well-meaning others condition us to believe that the key to happiness is having more stuff and more money.

This plays into our hard-wired drive to acquire. It's a way to make ourselves 'bigger' and to define ourselves. Once we possess something, even as just an idea, our brains don't like to let it go.

But things aren't what makes people happy for long. When the excitement of the 'hunt' is over, we are left with more items to store, pay for and maintain. Once the temporary thrill of acquiring wears off, we aren't much happier than before. So the cycle begins again.

My boys illustrated this truth perfectly when they were young. Their excitement never waned as they waited a week or two for the next 'must have' toy. But lo and behold, as they held their new treasures in their hands on the drive home from the mall, all they could talk about was the next item they wanted.

In the U.S., family incomes have doubled since the 1950's. So have the divorce rate, teen suicide, and reported rates of depression for adults and teens. One out of every five women now takes anti-depressants. Obviously, what makes people happy in the long run isn't stuff, financial abundance, or hinging our happiness star to others.

It is true that additional income can buy a measure of happiness if you are in extreme poverty. It helps you gain some control over your life and meet your survival needs. Feeling a sense of control over your personal life raises self-esteem and optimism. It makes you less reactive to stressful situations and you can better handle the physical and mental effects of stress.

Having plenty of money can also free you up to 'follow your bliss' as a full-time vocation. If that's truly what you use it for, it can be a tool that allows you to engage in meaningful activities that increase your level of happiness. However, lack of excess financial resources doesn't stop you from incorporating blissful moments into your life.

Authentic Happiness

Here are the keys to what makes people happy:

Connections with other people.

Happy people spend more time with family and friends than alone. They nurture relationships with other people, pets, nature and the Divine.

They are kind to others, even if the others did nothing to deserve it. They forgive readily and express gratitude for who they are and what they have.

Happy people take full responsibility for their responses and actions. They release themselves from the grip of past unhappiness and devote their energies to the present.

Happy people get absorbed in meaningful activities.

They get in "the flow". Getting in the flow is a lightly hypnotic or meditative state. People become so focused on what they are doing that they tune everything else out. Usually this is an alpha brain wave frequency.

When these activities are meaningful or relate to gaining resources necessary for survival, the impact is even greater. So often we spend time doing activities that are 'surfacy' and relatively meaningless.

When you are saying and wishing "I want to be happy", and inspire happiness in those you love, direct your energies into meaningful activities together. When you are mentally in the flow, and have 'aha moments', your brain releases theta brain waves. This burst of theta waves causes your brain to release chemicals that reward you for learning and make you feel good.

In her book, Lifting Depression, A Neuroscientist's Hands-On Approach to Activating Your Brain's Healing Power, Kelly Lambert says:

"Our brains are programmed to desire a deep sense of satisfaction and pleasure when our physical efforts produce something tangible, visible and - this is extremely important - meaningful in gaining resources necessary for survival."

Brain chemicals

Serotonin help us feel happy and calm. Although we can't directly control brain chemicals that help us feel good, daily self-care practices that optimize their production and release can optimize these levels.

Happy people don't try to keep up with others.

They know that a key to happiness is to emphasize their own strengths and talents and pursue personal growth. They use their own yardstick to evaluate themselves.

People who experience authentic happiness understand that it isn't selfish to nurture their dreams and goals. They take time regularly to engage in meaningful activities and to savor life's simple pleasures. They trust their higher self and their intuition, not the voice of the "conditioned" self that tells them their needs and wants aren't important. What makes people happy isn't always within their control. You may have heard of the weight set point. We have a happiness set point as well.

The happiness set point is thought to be genetic. It is responsible for half of your natural happiness potential. That leaves the other half within your control. Of this, 10% is attributed to circumstances and 40% to our thoughts, which are within our control. I suspect that as we learn more about the effects of our consciousness on genes, that number will rise.

Happy people are in tune with what makes them happy.

They have behaviors and habits that promote their happy state. They seek out opportunities, activities and people that support and inspire them. They know that being in alignment with what makes people happy is important and needs to be a priority.

Happy people are resilient.

They know that sometimes life throws a curve ball. They are resilient during these times, knowing that "this too shall pass."

A secret to happiness is to accept, forgive, find something to be grateful for and then to do the next thing. They understand that what makes people happy is the state of mind within themselves, not their circumstances.

The keys to what makes people happy is within the reach of all of us. If you've been searching for the secret to happiness, now you know. Cultivate new happiness habits that support who you are as a human being and as an individual.

Make time for what makes you happy every day. Make a life, not just a living. Embrace new experiences. Learn and keep growing. Happiness isn't the end goal, it's your state of mind as you live an authentic, meaningful life.

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